Redwall Wiki


Mossflower raido talk show 1

Dewface June 3, 2010 User blog:Dewface


Hello everybeast! I am the mighty Dewface and I am hosting a jolly celebrity talk show about animals who have made a mark in Redwall history! We will have gust stars and you may also contact me on my bally user page if you want to be a gust star, enjoy the show!

Spoiler warning: read with care if you have not read: Triss


"Hello chaps and chapesses! I am Dewface, the hairmaid everybeasts heard about! Today are our guests will be:Trisscar swordmaid, Grumm, Abbot Mortimor, and the legendary Asmoudeus!"


Triss:"Hi everybeast! Oh come on! You don't have to applaud!"

Asmoudeus:"Hello everybeassssst, ssssso nice to eat you!"

Grumm:"Hello! Hurr! Oi beez gurtly plezed to see you'm"

Abbot:"Oh hello Asmodeus! We're from the same book!"

[applause faids]

Dewface:"How nice to see you everybeast wot!"

Asmoudeus:"You, sssssquerral! You have my sssssword!"

Dewface:"awww! Don't cry big snakything! It-

Asmoudeus:"How dare you sssspeak to me like that bunny! I will eat you!"

[Triss draws sword]

Triss:"You wouldent dare! I've slain snakes before worm!"


[Abbot hides from Asmoudues]

Grumm:"Now now dawnt ee fret 'bot Moretemore!"

[asmoudeus attacks Triss]

Dewface:"er, security! Comertail break!"

Do you need to cross a river? Or travle by boat but dont have one? Logalog Jango is here to help! He'll take you across any river with a low cost of 5.95 an hour! (wait, we don't have a currancy, oh well) Or for crossing, 50 cents a cross. (wait...) call 1-800-logalog (we dont have phones either!)

Dewface:"Ok, we've calmed thinks down a bit wotwot!

[Asmoudeus is tied to his oversized chair]

Asmoudeus:"Let me free and I will sssshow you never to insult a ssssnake!!"

[Dewface scoots her chair away from Asmoudeus]

Grumm:"naow, can we'm get on wiv 'et?"

Dewface:"Oh yes, now, Triss, what's it jolly well like to be a hero?"

Triss:"Oh, very fun- i mean..."

Mortimor:"And very fun to slay i suppose?"

Triss:"Hey!! You, You!

Dewface:"Let's not get into this now!"

[phone rings]

Dewface:"Hey! I never knew we had flippn phones!"

Triss:"Just pick up the phone!

Dewface:"Ok ok!!"

[Dewface picks up the phone and presses speeker button]


Diggs:"Hi old fellow! Its Me, Diggs, youve heard of me before, right? wot wot!"

Dewface:"No, I'm sorry old bean, I havent."

Diggs:"Hmph! well thats nice, cant even think about a chap. Anywase, I came to ask how you stay so thin wot!"

Dewface:"Oh, well er, I guss i just have a fast Motablizum."

Diggs:"Oh, well, nothing i can help. Hmph!"

Abbot Mortimor:"Dewface! That was very unmannerful! Especaily beacuse we are on a talk show!"

Diggs:"Good bye!"

[Diggs hangs up]

[phone rings again]

Grumm:"Ho oi! W'em beeze gotten anoter phone call!"

[Grumm picks up phone and presses speaker button]


Randome Redwall mouse:"Oh hello, This dosent sound like Skipper."

Grumm:"Skipper? Ho nay, this beez ee mossflower rado talk show."

Randome Redwall mouse:"Oops! Rong number! Sorry!

[RRM hangs up]

Triss:"Hmph, that was nice."

Dewface:"Oh, lets see, time for a jolly comertail break!"

Asmoudeus:"Hey, don't take that lassssst doughnut moussssse!"

Do you need refuge from storms? Abbot Mortimor is here selling tents! $10.00 a tent! Made from canvis, and is coated with water-proof oil, lasts for seasons and has a four season warrantee! call 1-800-626-tent

Dewface:"Lets see, we need a phone call here."

[Phone rings]

Dewface:"Oh, lets see, wheres the phone? Asmoudeus! tisk tisk, thats just jolly well rude, you swallowed the flam'n thing!"

Asmodeus:"Oh well, I gusssss you'll have to buy a new one."

Dewface:"You mean you'll have two buy a new one, wot! I guss we have to end the show, bye!"


[everybeast leaves the stage]


Hello everybeast!! The guststars today will be:Thornclaw Braveheart, Gabool the wild, Abom, Keenear the brave, and Skalarana!!


[everyone walks in]

Gabool the wild:"Ha, you were fools to let me in with my weapons!!"

Abom:"I'll dule you to the death Gabool for the radio room!"

Dewface:"Oh yeah? I have Martin the worrior for my sicurity, so you two better straghten up!"

Keenear:"Yeah, the bunnys right, and don't forget to act your age."

Thornclaw:"Your one to talk, bossy!"

Skalarana:"EVERYBEAST QUIET!!!!"

[applause faids]

[everyone is quiet]

Skalarana:"Martin the worrior is right outside that curtain, and he can tan the hides off of all of us at once!! So you all will get a grip and take a chill pill!!"

[Martin creeps up on Gabool]

Martin:"Yes, the rat is right, and next time I'm going to be on the show."

Gabool:"Ok, anything if you wont shed my blood right here. Oh stage."


[Martin disaperes]

[phone rings]

Dewface:"Ah! finally wot wot!"

[Dewface presses speaker button]


Gonff:"Oh 'elo matey! I've got a question for you."

Dewface:"sure, go ahead!"

Gonff:"This question is for Thornclaw."

Thornclaw:"I'm here mate."

Gonff:"Ok, howd you get the idia of a good stoat?"

Skalarana:"Hey! I'm a good rat!"

Gonff:"Fine fine! Same question for you too."

Thornclaw:"Oh, I dident want to be bad like other stoats, I want to help those poor woodlanders that get attacked by the bad ones."

Skalarana:"I just dident like the idia of being recklass and evil."

Gonff:"Oh, cool. Just was wondering."

Thornclaw:"Anytime mate!"

Gonff:"Ok, bye guys!"

Dewface:"He was nice."

Skalarana:"Yep, yep."

[phone rings]

Gabool:"I'll get it!"

[Gabool picks presses speaker button]


HordeRat:"Hey. I need someone to hire me. I heard you were on the air."

Gabool:"Sure, I got room. Swing by 333, Darkforest ave, Darkforest. Sunday ok?"

HordeRat:"Sure, just lemme wright that down..."


HordeRat:"Ok, got it. see ya!"

Gabool:"Ok, bye."

[Gabool hangs up phone]

Dewface:"Well, time for a brake."

Is your horde puny? Luckily, We've got Rentarat. Thats right. Only $10.00 a week for 100 rats!! We've got the lowest prices around! Get cupons at your local Rentarat. Call 1-800-RENTARAT. thats 1-800-RENTARAT. Call today!!

Dewface:"Ok! were back!! woo hoo!!

Keenear the brave:"yeah, could somebeast call me?!?!?"

Abom:"be quiet."

Keenear the brave:"And why do i have to take orders from you?"

Abom:"Excuse me?"

[Abom draws wepon]

Keenear the brave:"yes? thank you for using your manners"

[Keenear also draws wepon]

[Thornclaw stands]

Thornclaw:"Hey hey! quit it!"

[Thornclaw dose a fake gasp]

Thornclaw:"I'ts Martin!!!"

[everybeast ducks under the table]

Thornclaw:"Ha ha!! tricked 'ya!!"

[audence starts laughing]

Keenear the brave:"you, you!!"

Martin:"He dident' trick you."

[Keenear turns around to look at Martin]

Keenear:"oops, heh heh! sorry!"

Martin:"You better watch your manners on a talk radio. Otherwise..."

[Martin draws sword and tappes it against his paw]

Martin:"Oh, and also, Thorn, don't trick anybeast, its not nice"

Thornclaw:"Sure, anytime."

[Martin vanishes]

[Phone rings]

Dewface:"I'll get it!"

[Dewface picks up phone]

Martha Braebuck:"Hey guys!"

Everyone:"Hey Martha!"

Martha:"I need an answer to a question."

Gabool:"Sure, anything!"

Martha:"This one is for all of you."

Keenear:"Me? Yay yay yay yay yay yay!!!"


Skalarana:"Just get on with it!"

Martha:"ok, here goes! Whats it like being on a rado show? I've never been on one."

Keenear:"Oh i'ts relly fun! You get to have people asking questions, calling you, and guss what? YOu also get to be on the mossflower magazene!"

Martha:"Yeah, Ive seen it, I have a subscription."

Skalarana:"Its also fun to just sit here, talking! I like it."

Gabool:"I like the frut punch and the doughnuts."

Abom:"Hey, maby you could be on the show sometime!"


Dewface:"Looks like were all out of time, I relly gotta pack it up!"

Martha:"Ok, thanks, bye!"

[Martha hangs up]

Dewface:"Time to go! Thank you all, wot!"


[Everyone walks off stage]


Hello! I shall now introduce our gust stars and stars!!: Ralon Deathbringer, Bartholomew Billberry Bowstring (BBB), Martin the worrior, and Mariel Gullwhacker!!!


[Everybeast walks in]

Dewface:"Come on in everybeast! Please, walk in through the meadel detecter, I want no wepons in this radio room."

Ralon:"Oh yeah?"

BBB:"come on old lad! be respectabbible!"

Ralon:"Aw shucks! fine!!

[Meadle detecter beeps]

[Ralon takes off all weapons]

[BBB walks through the meadle detecter, meadle detecter beeps, BBB takes off all wepons]

Martin:"Nice meadle detecter Dewface."

Dewface:"Aw! thankyou! Martin, I thinks i's be best to keep your sword on you."


[Maril walks throught meadle detecter and meadle detecter dose not beep]

[Maril smiles cheekeliy]

Maril:"Nothing on me! Ha ha!"

[Dewface scowls]


[Applase faids]

Dewface:"Ok! Lets get started! We are now accepting calls!"

[Phone rings]

[BBB picks up phone]

[BBB pushes speaker button]


Vilaya:"I demand to know why I wasent invited!!!!"

Dewface:"'cuz I bally well don't like you Wot!"

Vilaya:"I am a quean!! I command you! My RENTARAT hord will come for you!!"

Dewface:"You listen to mossflower radio?"

Vilaya:"Yess! You still havent answerd me!!"

Dewface:"Uhh, well.. 'cuz I bally well say so!!"

Meriel:"Well, that wasent very polite."

Vilaya:"Good bye!"

[Vilaya hangs up]

Ralon:"Well, *yawns* this is getting boring. I mids well leave."

[Ralon gets up from chair]

Meriel:"Hey! sit down!"

Ralon:"I can do what I want!"

[Meriel pulles out her Gullwhacker]

BBB:"Hey! Dewface told you to flam'n disarm yourselfs! That includes you!"

Martin:"Stop!! Dewface! I think Its time for a comertail break!!"

[Dewface ducks Gullwhacker and shouts over hubbub]

Dewface:"I think your right! Comertail break!!"

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