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Hello everybeast! I am the mighty Dewface and I am hosting a jolly celebrity talk show about animals who have made a mark in Redwall history! We will have gust stars and you may also contact me on my bally user page if you want to be a gust star, enjoy the show!
Spoiler warning: read with care if you have not read: Triss
"Hello chaps and chapesses! I am Dewface, the hairmaid everybeasts heard about! Today are our guests will be:Trisscar swordmaid, Grumm, Abbot Mortimor, and the legendary Asmoudeus!"
Triss:"Hi everybeast! Oh come on! You don't have to applaud!"
Asmoudeus:"Hello everybeassssst, ssssso nice to eat you!"
Grumm:"Hello! Hurr! Oi beez gurtly plezed to see you'm"
Abbot:"Oh hello Asmodeus! We're from the same book!"
Dewface:"How nice to see you everybeast wot!"
Asmoudeus:"You, sssssquerral! You have my sssssword!"
Dewface:"awww! Don't cry big snakything! It-
Asmoudeus:"How dare you sssspeak to me like that bunny! I will eat you!"
[Triss draws sword]
Triss:"You wouldent dare! I've slain snakes before worm!"
END OF SPOILER
[Abbot hides from Asmoudues]
Grumm:"Now now dawnt ee fret 'bot Moretemore!"
[asmoudeus attacks Triss]
Dewface:"er, security! Comertail break!"
Do you need to cross a river? Or travle by boat but dont have one? Logalog Jango is here to help! He'll take you across any river with a low cost of 5.95 an hour! (wait, we don't have a currancy, oh well) Or for crossing, 50 cents a cross. (wait...) call 1-800-logalog (we dont have phones either!)
Dewface:"Ok, we've calmed thinks down a bit wotwot!
[Asmoudeus is tied to his oversized chair]
Asmoudeus:"Let me free and I will sssshow you never to insult a ssssnake!!"
[Dewface scoots her chair away from Asmoudeus]
Grumm:"naow, can we'm get on wiv 'et?"
Dewface:"Oh yes, now, Triss, what's it jolly well like to be a hero?"
Triss:"Oh, very fun- i mean..."
Mortimor:"And very fun to slay i suppose?"
Triss:"Hey!! You, You!
Dewface:"Let's not get into this now!"
Dewface:"Hey! I never knew we had flippn phones!"
Triss:"Just pick up the phone!
[Dewface picks up the phone and presses speeker button]
Diggs:"Hi old fellow! Its Me, Diggs, youve heard of me before, right? wot wot!"
Dewface:"No, I'm sorry old bean, I havent."
Diggs:"Hmph! well thats nice, cant even think about a chap. Anywase, I came to ask how you stay so thin wot!"
Dewface:"Oh, well er, I guss i just have a fast Motablizum."
Diggs:"Oh, well, nothing i can help. Hmph!"
Abbot Mortimor:"Dewface! That was very unmannerful! Especaily beacuse we are on a talk show!"
[Diggs hangs up]
[phone rings again]
Grumm:"Ho oi! W'em beeze gotten anoter phone call!"
[Grumm picks up phone and presses speaker button]
Randome Redwall mouse:"Oh hello, This dosent sound like Skipper."
Grumm:"Skipper? Ho nay, this beez ee mossflower rado talk show."
Randome Redwall mouse:"Oops! Rong number! Sorry!
[RRM hangs up]
Triss:"Hmph, that was nice."
Dewface:"Oh, lets see, time for a jolly comertail break!"
Asmoudeus:"Hey, don't take that lassssst doughnut moussssse!"
Do you need refuge from storms? Abbot Mortimor is here selling tents! $10.00 a tent! Made from canvis, and is coated with water-proof oil, lasts for seasons and has a four season warrantee! call 1-800-626-tent
Dewface:"Lets see, we need a phone call here."
Dewface:"Oh, lets see, wheres the phone? Asmoudeus! tisk tisk, thats just jolly well rude, you swallowed the flam'n thing!"
Asmodeus:"Oh well, I gusssss you'll have to buy a new one."
Dewface:"You mean you'll have two buy a new one, wot! I guss we have to end the show, bye!"
[everybeast leaves the stage]
Hello everybeast!! The guststars today will be:Thornclaw Braveheart, Gabool the wild, Abom, Keenear the brave, and Skalarana!!
[everyone walks in]
Gabool the wild:"Ha, you were fools to let me in with my weapons!!"
Abom:"I'll dule you to the death Gabool for the radio room!"
Dewface:"Oh yeah? I have Martin the worrior for my sicurity, so you two better straghten up!"
Keenear:"Yeah, the bunnys right, and don't forget to act your age."
Thornclaw:"Your one to talk, bossy!"
[everyone is quiet]
Skalarana:"Martin the worrior is right outside that curtain, and he can tan the hides off of all of us at once!! So you all will get a grip and take a chill pill!!"
[Martin creeps up on Gabool]
Martin:"Yes, the rat is right, and next time I'm going to be on the show."
Gabool:"Ok, anything if you wont shed my blood right here. Oh stage."
Dewface:"Ah! finally wot wot!"
[Dewface presses speaker button]
Gonff:"Oh 'elo matey! I've got a question for you."
Dewface:"sure, go ahead!"
Gonff:"This question is for Thornclaw."
Thornclaw:"I'm here mate."
Gonff:"Ok, howd you get the idia of a good stoat?"
Skalarana:"Hey! I'm a good rat!"
Gonff:"Fine fine! Same question for you too."
Thornclaw:"Oh, I dident want to be bad like other stoats, I want to help those poor woodlanders that get attacked by the bad ones."
Skalarana:"I just dident like the idia of being recklass and evil."
Gonff:"Oh, cool. Just was wondering."
Gonff:"Ok, bye guys!"
Dewface:"He was nice."
Gabool:"I'll get it!"
[Gabool picks presses speaker button]
HordeRat:"Hey. I need someone to hire me. I heard you were on the air."
Gabool:"Sure, I got room. Swing by 333, Darkforest ave, Darkforest. Sunday ok?"
HordeRat:"Sure, just lemme wright that down..."
HordeRat:"Ok, got it. see ya!"
[Gabool hangs up phone]
Dewface:"Well, time for a brake."
Is your horde puny? Luckily, We've got Rentarat. Thats right. Only $10.00 a week for 100 rats!! We've got the lowest prices around! Get cupons at your local Rentarat. Call 1-800-RENTARAT. thats 1-800-RENTARAT. Call today!!
Dewface:"Ok! were back!! woo hoo!!
Keenear the brave:"yeah, could somebeast call me?!?!?"
Keenear the brave:"And why do i have to take orders from you?"
[Abom draws wepon]
Keenear the brave:"yes? thank you for using your manners"
[Keenear also draws wepon]
Thornclaw:"Hey hey! quit it!"
[Thornclaw dose a fake gasp]
[everybeast ducks under the table]
Thornclaw:"Ha ha!! tricked 'ya!!"
[audence starts laughing]
Keenear the brave:"you, you!!"
Martin:"He dident' trick you."
[Keenear turns around to look at Martin]
Keenear:"oops, heh heh! sorry!"
Martin:"You better watch your manners on a talk radio. Otherwise..."
[Martin draws sword and tappes it against his paw]
Martin:"Oh, and also, Thorn, don't trick anybeast, its not nice"
Dewface:"I'll get it!"
[Dewface picks up phone]
Martha Braebuck:"Hey guys!"
Martha:"I need an answer to a question."
Martha:"This one is for all of you."
Keenear:"Me? Yay yay yay yay yay yay!!!"
Skalarana:"Just get on with it!"
Martha:"ok, here goes! Whats it like being on a rado show? I've never been on one."
Keenear:"Oh i'ts relly fun! You get to have people asking questions, calling you, and guss what? YOu also get to be on the mossflower magazene!"
Martha:"Yeah, Ive seen it, I have a subscription."
Skalarana:"Its also fun to just sit here, talking! I like it."
Gabool:"I like the frut punch and the doughnuts."
Abom:"Hey, maby you could be on the show sometime!"
Dewface:"Looks like were all out of time, I relly gotta pack it up!"
Martha:"Ok, thanks, bye!"
[Martha hangs up]
Dewface:"Time to go! Thank you all, wot!"
[Everyone walks off stage]
Hello! I shall now introduce our gust stars and stars!!: Ralon Deathbringer, Bartholomew Billberry Bowstring (BBB), Martin the worrior, and Mariel Gullwhacker!!!
[Everybeast walks in]
Dewface:"Come on in everybeast! Please, walk in through the meadel detecter, I want no wepons in this radio room."
BBB:"come on old lad! be respectabbible!"
Ralon:"Aw shucks! fine!!
[Meadle detecter beeps]
[Ralon takes off all weapons]
[BBB walks through the meadle detecter, meadle detecter beeps, BBB takes off all wepons]
Martin:"Nice meadle detecter Dewface."
Dewface:"Aw! thankyou! Martin, I thinks i's be best to keep your sword on you."
[Maril walks throught meadle detecter and meadle detecter dose not beep]
[Maril smiles cheekeliy]
Maril:"Nothing on me! Ha ha!"
Dewface:"Ok! Lets get started! We are now accepting calls!"
[BBB picks up phone]
[BBB pushes speaker button]
Vilaya:"I demand to know why I wasent invited!!!!"
Dewface:"'cuz I bally well don't like you Wot!"
Vilaya:"I am a quean!! I command you! My RENTARAT hord will come for you!!"
Dewface:"You listen to mossflower radio?"
Vilaya:"Yess! You still havent answerd me!!"
Dewface:"Uhh, well.. 'cuz I bally well say so!!"
Meriel:"Well, that wasent very polite."
[Vilaya hangs up]
Ralon:"Well, *yawns* this is getting boring. I mids well leave."
[Ralon gets up from chair]
Meriel:"Hey! sit down!"
Ralon:"I can do what I want!"
[Meriel pulles out her Gullwhacker]
BBB:"Hey! Dewface told you to flam'n disarm yourselfs! That includes you!"
Martin:"Stop!! Dewface! I think Its time for a comertail break!!"
[Dewface ducks Gullwhacker and shouts over hubbub]
Dewface:"I think your right! Comertail break!!"