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Don't Mess With Redwall Abbey

This is a song that is sung to the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel. If you haven't read all the Redwall books, beware, there be spoilers afoot in here. I hope you enjoy it! Here goes!

Verse 1

Cluny’s crushed by a bell,

Tsarmina’s in the well.

Slagar drowned, Gabool’s down

Feragho got owned.

Klitch committed suicide

Badrang’s chillin’ with the tide

Foxwolf failed, no more Veil

Swartt is food for crows

Martin took out Ublaz

Just like the book says

Damug’s dead, Mokkan’s head’s

Tastier than Reeses

Daskar’s lashed to the wheel

Trunn’s back is now an eel

Rath was stoned, Kurda’s own

Sword cut her to pieces


Don’t Mess With Redwall Abbey.

All the Vermin leaders thought that they could beat her

Don’t Mess With Redwall Abbey

They never learned their lesson

So they kept on messin’

Verse 2

Raga’s now a bullseye

Gulo lost his head and died

Felis’s mind became a prime

Target to an otter’s eye

Matthais cut the bellrope

Martin gave the woodlands hope

Thank the well where Slagar fell

For taking out that masked dope.

Mariel and Rawnblade

Helped get Gabool slain

Urthstripe met his lost kin

While beating Ferahgo’s face in

Martin killed Badrang

Finnbarr ended Nagru’s reign

Veil’s own daddy took him out

Swart’s kid was a smart mouth!


Verse 3

Mad Eye’s fate thanks to a snake

Turned him into fishbait

Cregga throttled Warfang

Many beasts had Silth’s brood slain

Luke drowned with Vilu

Martin’s sad that he knew

Brocktree snapped Ungratt’s spine

A stoat slew Sawney from a pine

Triss fought blade to blade

Kurda tried to run away

But she tripped and her own blade

Sent her straight to Hellgates

Lonna shot Raga dead

Tam cut off Gulo’s head

Tiria the ottermaid

Shot Riggu with his starblade!


Verse 3

All these villains got their own

Killed by badgers, mice, and moles

Taken out in splendid ways

Ending all their evil days

Otters, birds, hares, and voles

Drove out all the evil folk.

Badgers come from everywhere

Some leading packs of hares!


Verse 4

Once again Redwall’s safe

Thanks to a mouse wraith

Martin’s ghost appears in those

Who protects The Abbey most.

Here comes a vermin band

Marching up the dusty path

Get the sword and Badger lord

Take out that Warlord!

Charge out of the gates!

Slay all the messmates!

Redwall’s saved hip hooray

Thank the fates for Martin’s blade!

Chorus 2

Don’t Mess With Redwall Abbey

All the Vermin leaders thought that they could beat her

Don’t Mess With Redwall Abbey

The good guys will restore peace

And have a giant feast, a feast, a feast, a feast…

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