Author's Note: Hello everyone! I'ma back! I just thought that since I've been gone for such a long time, that I should entertain you with another parody. So this crossover parodies the exploits of Martin verses Tsarmina the Cat Who Hates Water. Enjoy!
- It was a long midsummer's day and the sun was ruthlessly berating the wildcat Tsarmina. She had been particularly upset today as Gingivere, her adorable brother, had escaped and as a joke, Gonff the mousetheif had stolen her rugs so she couldn't destroy them anymore (much to the relief of whoever supplied those rugs in the first place.) She patrolled the borders of her castle as the Skipper and his crew would shoot water balloons at her whenever she’d cross over and she wondered how much longer the woodlanders could keep up their siege and where on Earth did they get water balloons at a time like this. She called over her hapless lackey, the ever-fawning Fortunata the vixen. She bowed low to the queen and tried hard not to say something stupid, which was particularly hard for her.
- ”Milady, the woods seem quiet today,” she said stating the painfully obvious as usual. Tsarmina growled at her.
- ”Aye, now that my brother has left the woodlands, I know he is in there plotting against me. He WILL pay for this.” She snapped, in her feral and vicious manner. The vixen was about to say that she saw Gingevere go to a farm, but thought the better of it, as her information would be punished by death for not saying anything in the first place. She held her tongue and watched as the evil wildcat carefully treaded around the now flooded castle, careful not to step in any water. Fortunata then saw something that made her cry out, but a sword blade to her throat stopped any unnecessary noise. (Author’s Note: Can you tell that I really don’t like Fortunata?) Standing in the sunlight was the legendary Martin the Warrior! He raised his battle sword and ran at Tsarmina.
- ”FOR MOSSFLOWWWWEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!” He cried slashing at the cat. Tsarmina raised an eyebrow as the small warrior hacked away at her hide inflicting minor damage. She sat there and allowed Martin to tire himself out and she flicked him away with a sweep of her claws. Martin was amazed. The cat was either stronger, or he borrowed Gonff’s dagger to kill the giant cat. He then realized that his sword was no more than a wooden sword. A mere toothpick. Instead, he drew his sword he got from Boar the Fighter and charged then. He inflicted far more serious damage then, but the evil cat still wouldn’t die as he hacked away at her and got flicked back easily, seriously injuring him as well. He then got an idea. He noticed that she would skirt around the water since she hated it so much and he ran back to Skipper who promptly handed him a sling. The wildcat searched under brush and bush as she looked for the fearless mouse of awesomeness.
- ”Hah! Pure awesomeness alone isn’t enough to defeat me! Me, Tsarmina Greeneyes, the only evil wildcat in a family of slightly good wildcats in all the world! You’re going to need far more power than a mere magical sword to defeat this Warlady.” She hissed looking for the mouse. Martin arrived with a sling and a pouch of water balloons at the ready.
- ”Get ready cat, I fulfill my vow as of today! EAT H2O!” He slung the water balloons faster than a hare could scoff a batch of cookies. Tsarmina screamed as the balloons hit her and she started melting away into nothing.
- ”I’M MELTING! MELTING! WHO WOULD THINK THAT A LITTLE MOUSE LIKE YOU COULD DESTROY ALL OF MY BEAUTIFUL EVILNESS! OH WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD!” And she sank into the ground as she melted away into cat goo.
The little ones around the fire were stunned as the tale came to an end.
- ”So what you’re saying,” began a babe who looked more like a rat then a mouse. “Is that Tsarmina, the biggest cat in the whole Mossflower regin was killed by our Martin the Warrior with a bunch of water balloons?” The old rat in the chair nodded.
- ”Aye, young Cluny, that’s about it.” A foxbabe with mottled fur and pale eyes looked dumbfounded.
- ”Wow. I guess that will teach that dumb ole wildcat to mess with Martin the Warrior!” The other vermin babes chorused with an aye. The rat chuckled as the young ones trotted off to bed, each saying the same thing.
- ”When I grow up, I am never, ever going to mess with Martin the Warrior at all.”