WG2. What and What Not to do For the Aspiring Conqeror: The Rule of the House

Each and every place has a very specific way it works, here I will tell you how it works and more importantly, how to exploit it!

Redwall's Government

The crowd of redwallers were uproarious on what to do. Abbess/Abbot Whatever looked on in despair and nodded to Skipper/the Abbey Warrior/Hare/Badger Mother. The Skipper/the Abbey/Hare/Badger Mother stepped forward and banged on the table. "Sharrap! Your abbess/abbot has something to say!" The Abbot/Abbess nodded in a approval. "Thank you, so and so, now, to get down to business."

How many times have you read something like that? Well, what you may not be noticing is that the Abbot/Abbess is asserting his/her dominance over the abbey dwellers. The Redwall government is very similar to a facilitational government. No one is forcing anyone to do anything, but at the same time, you have no other choice but to listen to the Abbess/Abbot because he/she has the Skipper, Abbey Warrior, Hare and/or Badger Mother blindly loyal to him/her. The best way to exploit this is to cause as much despair on the abbey as possible, cut off food, keep them up all night, launch missiles at them, kidnap, taunt, anything to make them mad or depressed. That way the Abbot/Abbess will have a harder time controlling the crowd.


YES, SAH! NO, SAH! THREE BAGS FULL, SAH! There's no question about this one: Millitary Dictatorship. The Badger Lord is law, what he says goes, and anyone who says otherwise is an insubordinate and none of us know what happens to in subordinates, probably dumped in the forge fire. Kinda like minions in that game Overlord, only most likely less willing.

Geurilla Union Of Shrews In Mossflower

The Gousim is nothing more than a clandestine organization of literate savages. They create boats and fight with rapiers and are the Redwall equivalent of Communist Russia. In [[[Salamandastron]]], some even more hillbilly version of the Gousim called the Goussom had a leader rule by law with an object called the black stone. But since it was lost, the leader relied on his strength for control over the Goussom. As I said in my last issue, kill Log-a-Log and his best friend for a period of lawlessness. The best way to exploit them is to cause conflicting things. I.e. Help Redwall or go after the slavers with your kids. What people often overlook is that the Gousim is the source of more gray characters than anything else, shrews, for some Jacques reason are as tempermental as a boiling tea kettel, and above all, stubborn. Get an idea into a mean looking shrew and he and his crew will start a revolution, comrades!

The Otter Crews

Very little is known about them (at least I don't know much). They seem more like a deus ex machina plot device that our old pal Brian threw in the stories to make sure the Redwallers weren't a complete pack of blood thirsty warriors. They are lead by a skipper of otters and never really have names. I have no advice other than kill the skipper and hope for the best.

What do You do With a Redwall Abbey Warrior?

Now I got a lot of coments on my last Warlord's Guide about the Abbey Warrior, so I decided to honor them here. The Abbey Warrior is a difficult thing and cannot be captured whatsoever. It simply cannot be done. And even if you, say, steal him as a babe, barely able to think at the time, his goody goody soul will still lead him to do the right thing. So down here I've lain an easy four step way of getting rid of your little pest problem.

Step One: Heed the Dream If you're fighting Redwall, chances are you'll have dreams of murderous warrior mice. Don't for god's sake ignore it. Try to interpert it yourself or consult your local seer. It's warning you there will be a new abbey warrior. An observation I've made is that the scarier the dreams get, the stronger the Abbey Warrior is becoming.

Step Two: Locate any Outspoken Youngins or Powerful Drifters Chances are these are the newest warriors, or his/her pals.

Step Three: SCATTER! Now that you've identified your dreams and have a pretty good idea whose the warrior, proceed to step three, locate the Armor, Shield, Scabbard, Sword and Belt of Martin the Warrior before they do. Then put them in the most dangerous spots you can find, or put them out in the open and lay in ambush when the hero (because it's inevitable) goes looking for the Sword, Armor, ect. Another good way to draw them out is to steal the tapestry.

Step Four: Bonnie and Clyde If you do not have the Armor, Sword ect., it means their looking for it and probably will find it, so here I'll use an analogy. Bonnie and Clyde were two very dangerous gangsters in the 1930s, who robbed and murdered thousands of people. When they were caught the police surrounded their downed car and told them to come out slowly. When they reached under the dashboard, they let fly a hailstorm of bullets that lasted about five minutes, when they examined the bodies, there were over 16,000 bullets fired and Bonnie and Clyde had thier hands on a sawed off shotgun and a handgun. This is how you should treat the Abbey Warriors. ARROWS PIKES SPEARS SWORDS MACES KNIVES! Everything just kill him!

Author's Note

Thanks again for all the generous contributions from this fine wiki's users. Keep the comments coming and remember, life is hard as a villain, so try and make the hero's life even harder!

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