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My Poems

The Corsair's Lament

When I was a young ratjack

I joined the crew of the Blackjack

To sail the foaming main

The bos'n was a fat old rat

The Cap'n was called Grimy Nat

But both of them were slain

Ole Cooky Slopp could whop up a stew

That'd lay out 'arf the crew

An' yer'd think yew'd gone insane!

Rigg the fox called a mutiny

Sent the first mate to the bottom of the sea

An' said "He ain't comin' back again!"

One dark night while all were a-bed

We crashed into a reef, they said

An' it caused us so much pain

The ol' Blackjack sank like a stone

None survived but I alone

An' that's when I vowed never again to sail the main!

The Messhall March

Around the mess'all table we sat

M'jolly lads an' I

Berrin Forgey was enormously fat

An' vowed to scoff all th' pie!

Tiny Torpil shook his head

"That's a bloomin' lie!" he said

Fleetrun smiled at the two

While munching through a pasty

"I'll say, y'greedy grubswipers, you!

No need t'be so hasty!"

"I've the lead, chaps, so don't be glum!

I can eat every harejack o' ye out o' mount an' 'ome!"

With that, he swallowed one pudden more

Thinking he'd beat them all full sore

Berrin chuckled around a salad

As he heaped his plate with flan

"That's what you bloomin' well think, my lad!

For I'm the bestest, biggest scoffer in all the land!"

"What ho!" says I

"That's a flippin' lie!

Fill my plate with any kind o' pie!

An' I'll show you just who

Can beat all of you

With room f'seconds or two!

An' that lucky lad is I!"

With that I ate the whole bally feast!

It was barely a snack, to say the least!

So I went to the kitchen

To borrow a smidgen

A few cakes, a custard, some scones and small tarts

An' that's how I won the Mess-hall March!

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