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The Corsair's Lament
When I was a young ratjack
I joined the crew of the Blackjack
To sail the foaming main
The bos'n was a fat old rat
The Cap'n was called Grimy Nat
But both of them were slain
Ole Cooky Slopp could whop up a stew
That'd lay out 'arf the crew
An' yer'd think yew'd gone insane!
Rigg the fox called a mutiny
Sent the first mate to the bottom of the sea
An' said "He ain't comin' back again!"
One dark night while all were a-bed
We crashed into a reef, they said
An' it caused us so much pain
The ol' Blackjack sank like a stone
None survived but I alone
An' that's when I vowed never again to sail the main!
The Messhall March
Around the mess'all table we sat
M'jolly lads an' I
Berrin Forgey was enormously fat
An' vowed to scoff all th' pie!
Tiny Torpil shook his head
"That's a bloomin' lie!" he said
Fleetrun smiled at the two
While munching through a pasty
"I'll say, y'greedy grubswipers, you!
No need t'be so hasty!"
"I've the lead, chaps, so don't be glum!
I can eat every harejack o' ye out o' mount an' 'ome!"
With that, he swallowed one pudden more
Thinking he'd beat them all full sore
Berrin chuckled around a salad
As he heaped his plate with flan
"That's what you bloomin' well think, my lad!
For I'm the bestest, biggest scoffer in all the land!"
"What ho!" says I
"That's a flippin' lie!
Fill my plate with any kind o' pie!
An' I'll show you just who
Can beat all of you
With room f'seconds or two!
An' that lucky lad is I!"
With that I ate the whole bally feast!
It was barely a snack, to say the least!
So I went to the kitchen
To borrow a smidgen
A few cakes, a custard, some scones and small tarts
An' that's how I won the Mess-hall March!