I own a precious few of the Redwall series, but I hold the original masterpieces - Redwall, Mossflower, Mariel of Redwall. It's been a while since I read the other books, and my memory isn't all that great, so excuse me if I include a lot of technical errors.

We Seek Therapy: Mental Health of Villains

My thanks to Long Patrol Girl for bringing this to my attention.

Well, it seems that in Redwall, the villains are often a little crazy up there by the end of the story. Often they are plagued by recurring dreams of giant badger guys with bows or mice with swords or whatnot. When they finally face the pursuers (giant badger guys with bows, mice with swords, etc.) they are often too scared to really put up a good fight, not that they really could in the first place.

Tsarmina is, personally, my favorite example of this sort of psychological-help-needed-villain. I mean, one moment she's throttling a soldier by the throat like the ruthless tyrant she is, and the next moment she's sniveling in her bedroom corner because she can hear dripping noises. I get it that she has an unusual phobia of water, but it's not just water that leads her to this. I believe it's actually madness. I mean, you have to be pretty crazy to turn into a totally helpless imbecile at a dripping noise.

My second example is another one of those archaic masterpieces, Gabool the Wild. We see him portrayed as a sort of ghastly, sly, and crafty villains, who puts daggers in doors and carpets on scorpion pits. He has an array of secret weapons at his back that he can bring into play, hidden trump cards that he's just waiting to reveal. Yet every night he can't sleep and instead dreams feverish dreams about badgers and bells. The bell rings (creepy, eh, since no one has rung it?) and Gabool basically freaks out and tries to attack the bell. This guy really needs therapy.

Then there's Cluny, who dreams of Martin and Matthias out to kill him. The guy should have been a propheet really, how on earth did he know that?!! (Sarcasm intended.)And General Ironbeak and his crew, too. I mean, imagining ghosts of mice in armor carrying swords. Err... very interesting. Indeed.

We Are Stupid: Wisdom of Villains

Aye, haharr, me mateys, 'tis true that our leaders are sometimes a little dim-witted. Especially with what they believe! And what they decide to do!

Conquering Redwall and Salamandastron

Okay, how many villains have tried to conquer Redwall? In almost every book, there's some sort of villain trying to take the Abbey. When will they learn that it's simply unconquerable? Because of whatever Bloodwrath-tinged Badger Lord or whatever Gigantic Badger Mother or because of whatever supah-fierce Abbey Warrior or whatever madder-than-Hellgates poison-saliva Guosim shrew. WHEN WILL THEY LEARN?!1one

We Are Desperate: Useless Choices of Villains

Gulo got himself killed searching for a tortoise; Ublaz Mad Eyes got his pretty self killed for lusting after six pink pearls. you'd think Villains would have learned to prioritize by now. I mean, how many of them have tried to take Redwall because they think it would be a pretty house, or in a search for its nonexistent treasure?

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